Theologia Minutia
Miniature theology....religion in very thin slices....spiritual doctrines
for the short attention span....blasphemy with brevity....
GOD and Satan are friends. Being archenemies is simply a part-time job.
After a long day's work of saving and damning souls, the ole' Lord and his
pal Lucifer go over to the Ethereal Cafe And Nightclub and play some poker
with the boys. In addition, God's holier-than-thou attitude is just an act
as is Satan's evil burning-in-hell soul-stealing eat-the-flesh-right-off-
your-bones demeanor. When they leave the office and put their feet up,
they're just as normal as the next mortal guy.
VARIATION: God and Lucifer are the same person. A truly infinite deity would
surely have no problem posing as two deities.
v v v
GOD manifests Himself in every living thing individually for ten
minutes each. These minutes are part of each organism's said fifteen minutes
of fame. The remaining five minutes occur afterwards on daytime talk shows.
v v v
1) God is omnipotent, omniscient, and
supremely good.
2) If evil exists, God is either
unwilling or unable to prevent it.
3) If God is unable to prevent evil,
then he is either not omnipotent or
not omniscient.
4) IF God is unwilling to prevent evil,
then he is not supremely good.
5) Evil exists.
Conclusion: God does not exist.
v v v
ALL religions are true. The races of men have been fooled by an
omnipresent, omnipscient consciousness who decided to have some fun. All
religious beliefs throughout history have been inspired by the deceptive
actions of this deity, who has appeared to such men as Ra, Zeus and the
Gods of Olympus, the various deities of Hinduism, Allah, Jehovah, Yaweh
and most recently Jesus Christ (among others). This god may also have
appeared to Jedediah Smith in Utah, and may regularly appear to Islamic
fundamentalists, crazy people, and even ordinary men, causing them to form
cults.
1) Anything in motion must have been brought to that state by something else
already in motion.
2) Motion transverred cannot extend into the past ad infinitum, for there
would be no beginning and, therefore, no motion.
Conclusion: There must have been a first mover (God).
v v v
GOD gave up on Earth a long time ago. After realizing that there was
no hope for humans, He washed His hands of the whole thing and left us
floating around in space, killing each other and praying.
v v v
THE second law of thermodynamics states that the entropy of the
universe is always increasing. If the universe had existed forever, there
would be an infinite amount of entropy and hence an infinite amount of
disorder. Therefore, there must either be some divine intervention
involved in the history of the universe, or the universe must have been
created at some point in the past.
v v v
1) God is perfect in every respect.
2) Existence is more perfect than nonexistance.
Conclusion: Existence must be a quality possessed by God.